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Hello Dear Readers, Welcome back to the weekly Sunday Synapse. Today I will talk about our insecure mind and how biases and judgments work every day. *Underlined content are links Let’s start the day off with a strong philosophical quote. Thought 1: Philosophical Quote "The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves." (Bessel van der Kolk from The Body Keeps the Score).
This quote highlights the importance of confronting our past experiences, biases, and insecurities, rather than denying or avoiding them. It ties into how unresolved trauma, historical issues connected to emotions, and unaddressed insecurities can cloud our judgment and critical thinking. These events powerfully shape how we perceive ourselves and the world. We can however amend these and rewrite our stories. Some people think philosophy has no place in a space of critical thinking. I say rubbish! Unless you are a robot, I know you do not know the answer to all things. To be human is to feel sure, then confused, then certain, and then uncertain again. I also believe the best most wise thinkers are philosophical thinkers. I will follow the humble sage to the end of the earth but I will not trust the scientist who thinks they know it all. Thought 2
The Insecure Mind: Bias and Judgment This week, I want to explore how our insecurities can cloud our judgment. I've chosen this topic because, over the past few days, I’ve encountered a few experiences where these insecurities blocked conversation or raised the emotional temperature of the exchange. This happens often in our daily exchanges with many people, and especially those close to us. Now, I am not saying you can eradicate this. We are dealing with humans, after all. I am saying that we can work on ourselves in the journey towards cognitive freedom. Cognitive freedom means not becoming bogged down by unnecessary petty things that hold our minds captive. This journey is all about our mental relationship with ourselves. Now, let’s begin by making sure we’re all on the same page. Critical thinking is often misunderstood. Many believe it’s a rigid set of tools designed to uncover absolute truth. But there’s one essential aspect of critical thinking that I emphasize—reflection. It’s this lack of reflection that often pushes us toward unhealthy thinking patterns. Critical thinking isn’t just about assessing the validity and relevance of information—it’s about making sure that the information you are engaging with is knowledge applicable to your own life. If you’re focused on evaluating the truth for someone else’s life, or just to be right, you’re missing the point and wasting a whole lot of precious time. Mind your own thinking business for God’s sake! Fix your own thinking first, and once you’ve made your bed, you’ll be in a better position to reliably help others. It’s noble to want to save the world, but the truth is, the best work you’ll ever do starts with healing your own mind and supporting those who need you the most. At the end of your life, you won’t be concerned with much except wondering if those you loved most benefited from your presence. An unhealthy mind impacts those around you, sometimes irrevocably, but imagine the effects of just one healthy mind in one family. Now that’s what we should aim for because we can actually manage that. HUMAN THINKING You are human, so you will not be able to rid yourself of all human thinking flaws. That is not even the point. A perfect human is simply a flawed human who is trying their best. Keep going, apply simple lessons, learn as you go, and you’ll be just fine. Do not trust anyone who doesn’t allow room for the developing you. This does not mean you get to pour out your worst traits onto someone, do it within reason. Remember: the healthiest thinkers are those who acknowledge their biases and understand that we are all shaped by our past. Healthy thinkers don’t believe in the perfection of thought or that every word spoken is flawless. Every time we speak, our minds consolidate our personal history at lightning speed to produce a thought, an assumption, or an idea. My teachings are about embracing that this is normal, that it’s part of being human. To be unaffected by your humanness would mean you’re not human at all—and you are. You’re not above your own tendencies. What you can control is how much your past dictates your present and your future. BIASED THINKING Step one is recognizing that our insecurities fuel our biases, and those biases block us from thinking clearly. How do you learn about your biases? Start by reflecting on the memories, emotions, and events that cause you to feel worried, nervous, or anxious. Do not try to do it all at once; allow life, as you move through it, to demonstrate where your problematic thinking lies. If there’s an event in your life that was particularly traumatic and you’ve kept it to yourself, the chances of it negatively impacting your life are high. Only you can know if this is happening. While I believe the skills I share in these letters can benefit everyone, I urge you to seek professional help if you’re facing deeper issues that affect your mental well-being in a way where you are not safe facing them alone. There are some stages in our lives where we cannot do it alone. A short note on that… when looking for a professional, remember that it may take time to find someone you truly connect with. A strong therapeutic alliance is key to healing. Sometimes, you can even find this connection with a friend or family member. If you’re able to speak your truth without judgment, you’re already experiencing organic therapy. Now, back to how insecurities create biases. This week on Threads, I shared a story about someone who unfollowed me after I chose not to continue a conversation. She assumed I thought she was “too dumb” to talk with. This was completely incorrect. As an academic who studies thinking dilemmas, I made an educated assumption about why she reacted this way: her biases clouded her judgment. Taking others’ actions personally when it was not meant to be personal is one of the biggest threats to healthy thinking. Yet people do it all the time! It would have been better for her to pause, reflect, and consider why I chose to end the conversation. She couldn’t possibly know my reason, so the intellectual beauty would have come from silent independent reflection. We all jump to conclusions based on our biases. HISTORICAL THINKING Our histories will always influence our thoughts, often without us even realizing it. This is why we think so differently from one another. While all humans share the ability to think, the diversity in our worldviews reveals just how much our personal histories, experiences, and biology shape the way we see the world. Our bodies and minds absolutely keep score of the past. This idea is explored in The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, a psychiatrist and trauma researcher from the Netherlands. He explains that trauma isn’t just a mental or emotional experience but one physically stored in the body. van der Kolk demonstrates how past traumatic events can create physical sensations, chronic stress, and emotional triggers that linger long after the event is over. For example, someone who has experienced trauma may react with heightened anxiety or physical tension when faced with similar situations, even if there is no immediate danger. His work shows that memories of trauma aren’t just stored in the mind but are deeply embedded in the body’s nervous system, affecting how individuals respond to stress, relationships, and even decision-making. While we can learn a lot from Bessel’s work, this isn’t about making excuses for poor behavior or thinking practices. The purpose of learning about these things is to understand why we behave the way we do—and then to work toward fixing it. We live in a world where people are learning about their issues, but we also live in a world where many treat this knowledge like decoration. Improve yourself, and make sure that those who know you can say good things about you. There’s nothing I dislike more than someone judging the world without ever turning the spotlight on themselves. And funny enough those who need to do the most work will be the most judgemental. I’ve written about somatic emotions in a past newsletter, which relates directly to Bessel’s work. You can read it by clicking here. Biases, past insecurities, and unresolved emotional wounds can cloud our critical thinking by causing us to react emotionally rather than logically. When we are triggered during a conversation or while working through a problem, these unhealed parts of us can distort our perception, leading to assumptions, defensiveness, or misinterpretations that hinder clear and rational thought. So, get to know yourself and figure it out! When you feel emotionally triggered, stop, reflect, and be honest with yourself. Then, return to the conversation and try again, this time, focus on keeping control of the emotional temperature and see if your past still dictates your present mind. Practice this. Do it over and over, and you will heal yourself from that one issue. I promise you. Then, start again with the next issue. Think your way to healing. Thought 3 CT Activity this Week Here are some books and authors who talk about how past emotions, experiences, and events are stored in our bodies. Pick one for your activity this week, and happy reading! Bessel van der Kolk – In The Body Keeps the Score, van der Kolk explains how trauma and past experiences are stored in the body and mind, shaping behavior, biases, and emotional responses. Brené Brown – In her works like Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown explores how shame, vulnerability, and insecurities impact our behavior, biases, and the way we relate to others, rooted in personal histories. Sigmund Freud – Although earlier in the field, Freud's psychoanalytic theory, particularly his work on the unconscious mind, highlights how past experiences, insecurities, and repressed memories shape present behavior and biases. (Not an easy read, I recommend reading some more modern pieces first then coming back and forth to Freud). Carl Jung – Jung’s concept of the shadow (the parts of ourselves we repress or ignore) and his work on personal and collective unconscious explore how past experiences and insecurities influence current behavior and thought patterns. Malcolm Gladwell – In books like Blink and Outliers, Gladwell examines how unconscious experiences, memories, and cultural backgrounds shape how we think, make decisions, and perceive the world, often without us being aware of it. Jonathan Haidt – In The Righteous Mind, Haidt explores how past experiences, emotions, and biases shape our moral decisions and social judgments, often driven by underlying insecurities or values. Daniel Kahneman – In his book Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman discusses cognitive biases and how past experiences and emotions affect decision-making and perception, offering insights into how insecurities and memories influence our judgments. All my readers should have this book on their shelves!
Remember, when you read, don’t read just to finish. Read slowly, thoughtfully, and reflectively. Revisit complex ideas that you may not fully understand. One small idea can have you reflecting for hours. This is the essence of intellectual and powerful mental work. Don’t aim to read as much as you can in a lifetime; aim to read as deeply as you can. Reading itself isn’t the lesson—understanding the value of pondering information is. That is it from me for today! Please send me an email if you have any comments, ideas, epiphanies, stories, or feedback, or please just send mail to say hello! Until next week… Esha.
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