|
Hello friends! If you want to be an intelligent, critical thinker for everyday life, as you know, I continue to emphasise that you need to be able to balance the logical and the emotional mind. Where the balance is off, these under optimised decisions will increase the problems you face, particularly when interacting with others. It is therefore fundamental in the journey of self-development, that we remain committed to, and fully aware of, the importance of knowing The Self. When you have the capacity to be in conscious tune with yourself (self-awareness), and most importantly, have an awareness of others (empathy), you have what we call emotional intelligence (EI). Note: empathy is not just feeling sorry for someone. It is about the act of really trying to understand another person. Even if it is someone who you do not share the same values with. So! This week, let us move deeper into the topic of self-awareness, and its relationship with emotional intelligence (EI, often referred to as EQ: ‘emotional quotient’ coined by Keith Beasley, 1987). In the early days, intelligence (IQ) was defined more so in relation to mental or cognitive faculties. Now, it is widely understood that emotional intelligence is a large part of overall intelligence (1). Critical thinking about the above, leads us to infer that those with higher logical and rational mental skills, might be good with solving complex structured problems, but due to low EI, the overall level of intelligence reduces, as their ideas and thoughts have little social impact, or influence. And—what is the point of that? You may have ideas which could solve the next successful rocket launch, but no one wants to listen to you; and you never get invited to parties. You can do one or two things: 1. Recognise and invite others who have higher EI into spaces which require the balance of both (which is everywhere) 2. Learn to increase your EI awareness And vice versa by the way. Those with high EI, but low logical analytical skills will witness a reduced optimisation of outcomes. Self-Awareness This concept is rooted in psychology and ancient philosophy, the first mention of which came from Plato’s ‘Know Thyself’. It alerts us of the significance of introspection, that is, understanding one’s own thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviours, leading to a clearer perception of the self. This process will help you gain a deeper understanding of your weaknesses, your values and beliefs, and pushes you to be aware of the identity you have created for yourself; and especially what impact this created identity has had on your life and decisions. Emotional intelligence People with high EI can self-regulate emotions. They have high social awareness, and strong relationship management. These people develop strong communication skills, conflict resolution, and have skilful leadership abilities and subsequently experience more overall well-being. A person with high EI is skilled with placing themselves in the shoes of others without premature judgement on who wears the shoes. For example, a person with high EI can discuss and talk about the acts of even people who commit evil crimes, for the purpose of understanding them. They believe there is value in finding out the root cause behind behaviour in order to learn, understand and contribute to knowledge. A person with low EI believes even discussions about, and with people who they perceive as evil are unacceptable, wrong, and will often persecute those with higher EI. We are seeing a lot of this in the world now, where those with low EI are not allowing those with higher EI to even explore and discuss important social topics which, while may feel uncomfortable, are fundamental as discussion points both for CT, knowledge progression and emblematic of true democracy. Self-awareness, and EI are deeply intertwined and increase CT and cognitive health. Self-awareness provides a strong foundation for EI as it enables the individual to recognise their emotional triggers, biases, and patterns of behaviours. Most importantly awareness of The Self helps label thoughts and behaviours as problematic or not. This leads to better self-regulation, key to EI. EI at the same time enhances self-awareness, by providing a framework for managing emotions effectively. It all leads to a balanced perspective on complex socio-cultural issues. Self-Awareness and social acceptance As we are human beings first, we need to be able to primarily focus on the ability to fit into our social environments with the highest possibility for acceptance. This goes for families, friendship circles, workplaces, communities, and societies. There is nothing good which comes out of being rejected by these important social groups we need to be part of to be able to see psychological, biological, and social health. These are fundamental and universal social rules we need to accept, and remember an important part of CT is being aware of and incorporating universal ‘concepts’ into your analysis of the world. Being accepted by others is not a right. It happens to those who offer something which others perceive as of value. For example, I am a migrant of Indian ethnicity. I look different, and I live in the West. I can say confidently that I have met terrible people along the way like all of us have. They exist both in the Indian community and the Western community spaces I am part of. Except I have largely been accepted and had a successful social life. This is because I want to be accepted. I choose the spaces I believe will deliver me social success and personal benefit, and then I work hard to learn the social rules of acceptance. I do not bow down and accept being treated unfairly, but I contribute in the way I want to. I am treated how I treat others. This is a basic rule. To improve your relationships with family, friends, colleagues, and community, those with higher levels of EI have more self-awareness, and are therefore more successful in endeavours with any role which involves other people. This is because people with high EI are able to first understand themselves as a human, a member of a community and how they connect with others. They have learnt to manage their own emotions, and simultaneously have learnt to understand that other people also have the right to subjective emotion and personal meaning. Because of this, they understand, or more importantly, they accept these diverse demonstrations of experience and being, and so, they can skilfully manage the emotions of others. Often where you observe a very good leader, such as a great boss, or an effective parent, it is because EI skills make them particularly adept at managing, and leading large groups of diverse people. They have an excellent ability for seeing and knowing the diverse capacity of human emotions, feelings, skills, and abilities. Those with higher levels of EI are beautifully socially fluent. It’s like a stunning social dance, where no matter what they say, they are so socially attune and aware, they draw people in with a skilful balance between fairness, logic, and a consciousness of the complexity of human emotion. These are the skills which deliver true social power. This is the person I aspire to be. To allow each human citizenship, and the right to move through live to find out how to be better. Whenever I fail to give others that right, which sometimes happens, I read the social feedback, and then turn to myself to assess what happened. I ask myself these types of questions: Could I have done better? Should I have done better? Was it out of my control?
Don’t blame the world unless you have established you are not the person who is to blame first. This is what it means to be reflective. Reflective thinking is what helps deepen your self awareness and in turn your EI over time. Do this self-work as a habit and you will see the changes with EI. Some good questions you can ask yourself to trigger reflection on the strengths or weakness of your emotional intelligence and social fluency are: Do people seem to like me or dislike me? Do I get invited to places? Do I make friends easily? Do I feel okay about being disliked by some people? If I feel bad about it, why is this? Do I need to change?
You do not have to want to fit in. You may have come to a place where you have decided that you do not need to. That is your choice. But it is a useful endeavour to make sure you know why it has come to this. Also, if you are continually facing friction, and feel negative cognitive impact of being socially rejected, then perhaps it is time to be honest about what you may need to do to improve yourself awareness and EI skills. Both the literature (1) and through observation, it seems the more self-aware you are (honest and fair with your problematic and unproblematic thinking faculties), the higher your EI will be and in turn your critical thinking (CT) skills. As we are thinking, feeling, knowing, human beings, we need room for the variances’ emotion brings. People with high EI, can empathise, and feel the emotions and sentience of other creatures, but at the same time they draw on and balance practical, rational and reasonable facts too. Let’s look at a potential example: New parents, both mothers and fathers, face emotional chaos adjusting to new social rules with a newborn. Mothers, additionally, navigate body healing, hormonal shifts, and instinctive needs, while fathers provide vital social support and also commence a journey towards fatherhood, an identity which seems to take somewhat longer than mothers given the unique biological roles involved. High emotional intelligence (EI) accommodates both subjective and objective facts, fostering understanding. Low EI may dismiss biological differences, leading to reduced tolerance and increased friction between parents. To become better with EI you need to increase your day to day awareness of the self as well as awareness of your physical presence. How does one do this though? The founder of EQ (emotional quotient) Keith Beasley (2; 1987), whose personal page you can check out, offers something very profound and actually just reminds us to get back to basics of thinking and feeling as human beings first. He says: “the whole aim…is to suspend the logical, thinking mind, and allow our inherent connection into life…so that we ‘just know’ what is…any EI training that ignores this, has, I feel, missed the whole point”. Reflective thinking, and knowing The Self goes back deep into history as well. It is the foundation to all wisdom. That is the realisations that as a human, we have cognitive limitations and that those limitations cause us to view the world in ways that are heavily loaded in bias. Once you begin to read about these topics, you will instantly implement changes. My greatest advice to anyone who wants to learn to know themselves, is to begin reading some great authors and historical texts which brings you towards more conscious awareness of The Self. As you begin this journey of self-reflection, and self-awareness, you will not only begin to increase your EI and CT skills, you will begin to detach your personal experiences with your consciousness. Suddenly, you begin to realise the true power of the conscious mind as well as the debilitating power of the unconscious mind, and its ability to control every single facet of our happiness and our sadness. This journey is one not worth missing out on! Your entire life’s purpose depends on it! Some books I would recommend in your entry into learning about The Self but there are many so go for it! Read anything and then just think about it! "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius
As a Stoic philosopher and Roman emperor. A classic work of self-reflection and introspection. It provides insights into his personal struggles, philosophical principles, and the pursuit of self-awareness. 2. "Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion" by Sam Harris As a neuroscientist and philosopher, Sam Harris provides a scientific and rational approach to self-awareness, consciousness, and spiritual development. 3. "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle While not a traditional philosopher, Eckhart Tolle's work delves deeply into the nature of consciousness, self-awareness, and living in the present moment. His book "The Power of Now" is a seminal text on self-reflection and spiritual awakening. Remember, reading diverse ways of thinking about the same thing is important. Some ideas you WILL naturally be attracted to because this type of thinking is what you have so far already been exposed to. This will just re-confirm what you already think (confirmation bias). Other more new ideas may challenge your way of thinking. When you are challenged, this is the point your are going to be able to do the most self-work. This is how you will be practicing critical thinking. It does not mean you need to accept all ideas, you must however attempt to understand them, especially where they challenge you. Good luck in your journey towards knowing The Self. References 1. https://www.ijhssnet.com/journals/Vol_2_No_16_Special_Issue_August_2012/24.pdf 2. http://www.keithbeasley.co.uk/EQ/eq%2B27.html Stay tuned for the Sunday Synapse, which will be delivered to your inbox every Sunday! Get ready to take on a new week better than you were last week! If it does not bring value to you, just hit the unsubscribe button below. Send me an email with feedback, what you like, don’t like, want more of, or just to say hi! Until next Sunday, take care. Dr. Esha.
|
