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Dear Readers, Today’s critical thinking (CT) topic will focus on unpacking subjective ideas using critical thinking analysis. The idea I’ve chosen comes from a post I saw this week on The Stoic Podcast, an Instagram and Threads account I follow. The post said: “Unpopular opinion: Your feelings are not valid.” The goal of this exercise is to help you learn how to break down an issue and evaluate it fairly. This method can be applied to any single topic you encounter that requires some deeper reflection. The more you practice CT, the better you’ll become. Over time, deliberate thinking will start to feel automatic. For most of us, CT is not a natural or automatic skill. Deliberate thinking can be cognitively demanding, so practice is very important. Over time, the more you engage with it, the more it becomes your default approach. I’ll explore this in more detail in a future letter. WORDS WHICH TRIGGER DEBATE The words “your feelings are not valid” effectively triggered a wide and varied range of responses. The responses ranged from highly subjective projections of feelings and biases to more objective, bird’s-eye view analyses that considered a multitude of factors. I’ve chosen this for this week’s letter because it’s the perfect type of question to trigger CT. It’s a topic that resonates with everyone, as all people experience feelings, yet it elicits different reactions depending on individual perspectives. These are exactly the kinds of questions we should welcome into our mental worlds—questions that challenge us to reflect and ponder deeply. REACTIONS Many people engaged with the post, offering ample evidence that it was provocative enough to trigger significant thought—and, naturally, feelings. This is the critical moment where you have two options: Feel > reflect > learn something new Feel > react > resist > learn nothing new
The arguments ranged from whether the statement was entirely wrong, entirely right, or somewhere in between. We have all been there. Often, when we feel strongly (emotive) about an idea, it becomes difficult to discern what is truly correct. Topics that trigger an emotional reaction are exactly the ones that activate your synapses and expand your cognitive potential. I can not stress this enough! Please remember that for some people if these emotional reactions are severe, regular, unhealthy, or inflicting harm on others, you need to seek professional help. These letters are for people who can self-administer these practices, and that should be most of us at most times throughout our lives. When you encounter ideas in the world or society that provoke a range of reactions, use them as opportunities to try and understand. Do not underestimate the power of the difficult life moments you are having to ponder. This is critical thinking practice in action! Personally, I choose to approach these types of questions with an open and balanced framework, combining logic and emotional intelligence. Thinking purely with logic or purely with emotion is necessary only in clear-cut situations. For example, I would expect surgeons and nurses operating on a family member to set aside personal issues and emotions entirely to focus solely on my loved one. Conversely, it’s completely understandable for someone to be entirely overcome with emotion at a loved one’s funeral. But usually, for social problems and issues, it is not as clear since everyone’s social experiences are particularly subjective. REVIEWING VALIDITY Using CT, we first need to move through a systematic process of examining the actual words: comprehend them, understand them, and be truthful about their meaning. When we look at the actual words, “Your feelings are not valid,” they may instinctively trigger an emotional response. Our body recalls times when our feelings were dismissed, and our automatic brain reacts before our controlled brain can process the meaning, yelling: My feelings are valid! How dare you! I am important! I am valid! Many of us would feel exactly the same way. Now, after our initial and hopefully confidential retort, we can step back and think about what this really means. “Your feelings are not valid”… on the surface, we can safely say this statement is untrue. Feelings are valid. The next question is: To whom are our feelings valid? They are valid to us and to those who care about us. This is reasonable and fair. But should I expect my neighbour to care about my feelings? Or the cashier at the supermarket? Or the world? Perhaps yes, under certain circumstances, but it depends on the topic, the situation, and the context. As soon as we reflect more carefully, we begin to arrive at rational conclusions about when, why, and who should care about which feelings. “BUT MY FEELINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS!” The problem arises when some people expect everyone to care about their feelings across all contexts, without considering the effects or implications of this quite burdensome and somewhat unnatural task. Our very robust evidence has established that feelings are often subjectively oriented, and shaped by unique biological, psychological, and social factors. Biologically, feelings have played a crucial role in our evolutionary survival, helping us react to danger and maintain acceptance within our community. Psychologically, we rely on our ability to assess the validity of our feelings based on the circumstances. Socially, we must ensure we appropriately evaluate what factors in our environment influence how we feel and use critical analysis to decide how to respond. Cognitive reasoning helps us determine, in an appropriate and balanced way, the contexts in which it’s reasonable to expect others to care about our feelings while recognising the burden of such expectations if applied universally. It is often those who are unable to separate the emotional impact of their feelings who struggle to refrain from placing the burden of their subjective emotions onto others. We can conclude that feelings are, of course, valid, but their validity is entirely subjective. This means they are important and meaningful to the individual experiencing them, which is a very logical idea. WHEN FEELINGS CAN TEACH US ABOUT FACTS Now, since this is a CT exercise, we also need to consider when the feelings of a large number of people might provide insight into underlying realities about society and human behaviour. This is precisely the kind of work that social scientists should be engaged in. For instance, when many people share similar feelings, these patterns can reveal valuable insights into what might be culturally, psychologically, or environmentally valid and relevant to broader groups or subgroups within our societies. We can think about many social issues that people argue about—topics where large groups hold strong, shared feelings. To individuals and their groups, these feelings are valid and true. If members of a group share the same emotional response, that’s fine—they share it. However, it’s equally important to recognise that others may not feel the same way, and that’s okay too. Both groups have the right to their unique worldviews. This recognition of differing perspectives forms the fundamental basis of human rights and diversity across groups, communities, cultures, and countries. When many people share similar emotions, these patterns can provide insights into broader, more objective truths about behaviour. However, the more nuanced or individual a feeling, the less objectively relevant it becomes. They become just that—personal feelings that are valid to just you. We must understand that it’s far more likely that only those who care about us will consider our feelings with the depth and attention we hope for. Those who love us are naturally more inclined to value our emotions, wishes, and desires because doing so strengthens the relationship, and there is a benefit to that. The problem arises when we expect people who have no personal reason to adopt our subjective feelings as their own, especially through force or obligation. As we all experience feelings and naturally want them to be validated, a critical thinker understands the ethical importance of extending the same courtesy to others. In the interest of CT and allowing thought to remain open and reflective, it ultimately comes down to recognising and personally supporting everyone’s democratic right to experience and hold entirely different, yet equally valid, feelings. THE CRITICAL THINKER This type of thinker understands and accepts that all people are entitled to their own feelings. They are aware that various biological, psychological, and social factors contribute to these emotions, recognising that each person’s feelings are a culmination of their unique traits, experiences, and pasts. Biased thinking is when we rigidly think that our feelings and emotions are based on biological or just, psychological, or just sociological factors. It is much more complex than that but simplicity can come from understanding the complexity. With this understanding—and a sense of confidence in it—critical thinkers shift their focus! Instead of being distracted by a desire to force others to think like them, they become genuinely curious about why people think the way they do and the diverse factors that might contribute to this to find solutions. Do you see the difference? Once you begin approaching ideas this way, you suddenly begin to ask the RIGHT questions that prompt others to reflect and potentially change their ideas. Focusing solely on our subjective feelings without considering their broader impact is not CT. True CT requires balancing our understanding and respect for our own subjective experiences with an evaluation of their implications in a wider, objective context. ACTIVITY Think of a topic statement similar to the one I used today and try to analyse it. Try and do it with someone as we learn better when we discuss and explore with others or outwardly. This is why writing in any form is also so powerful. It is best if the statement or social problem is something you care about and is relevant to your own life. We will not do the deeper more significant thinking-work unless ideas have a personal relevance to our lives. That’s it from me for today! Send me an email if you have any comments, ideas, epiphanies, stories, or feedback, or please just send mail to say hello as I love to hear that you are out there! Please note that I am now receiving a large volume of emails and messages. While I may not always be able to reply to each one due to the time it takes and my workload, please know how important they are to me. Your messages keep me motivated, and your words are wonderful—they give me insight into what you’re thinking and inspire new ideas. So please, don’t stop! Until next week… Esha. READINGS Here are three books that explore feelings and thinking from biological, psychological, and social perspectives when we read across disciplines like this we gain a more balanced view: Biological perspective: Book: The Emotional Brain by Joseph LeDoux Psychological perspective: Book: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Sociological perspective: Book: The Managed Heart by Arlie Russell Hochschild
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